Me and Diwali

I have been very happy lately. India winning! Big happiness...Aish's birthday approaching (rather its today 1st of Nov)...Happy Birthday Aish....N then last but the most imp one DIWALI...Favourite festival still out of last 8 Diwalis I have spent just 3 at home. Kinda sucks. Why cant I be where I want to be when I like?

Spoke to so many ppl yesterday and wished them Happy Diwali. Felt so nice and was very good talking to all my family members and few of my close friends. But when I finally I spoke to my mom...It became so difficult for me as well as my mom. This is one moment, one day, one time when I feel heavy in my heart talking to my mom over the phone. I miss her so much. When I did it for the first time when I went out for my studies I broke, i broke down heavily and cried (yes right) and cried so much over the phone. I had never ever realized the importance of this festival when I was at home. When everything so natural and there was nothing I thot could go different. My first year away from home made me feel, this was what I had been taking for grated. Guess you realize the importance of somethng when its not with you. Year after year sometimes I managed to spend this festival of Lights at home and sometimes in desolate loneliness. This is the time when I feel altogether a different kind of solitude. Kind of feeling which comes only on this day and on no other day. May be will never be able to put in words but very different lonliness.

This time again when I spoke to her I tried hard not to do anything stupid which would make her break down over the phone. Normally when I speak to my mom its like for min 30 minutes every alternate day. I know cant talk different things on alternate days so we speak about the same things :-). But this time with consensus we kept the phone down in exactly 1 min. Both of us fearing the same thing. Known to both of us but not to be spoken about. There are somethings best left undiscussed.

Sometimes I just wonder, for how long can this go on? Why do I feel the way I feel? Anyways I dont think we have the answers for all the questions in this world....Something just dont have any answers. They are because they are. No why and now how...