Something about ....

Somebody is getting married soon which is putting me in fix. Blv me this is the first time when I have not felt good about it and dint express it. Rather I should say I have felt bad for the first time that somebody is getting married. On top of it I did not have the enough courage to express the same in front of that person or even while chaating or mailing. It sucks! I wanted her to know that I dint like it but even after mustering all my courage I couldn't. May be its beacause of my good virtues :-)

First few days of my college and I realized that I was very lucky. We had all the good girls of our batch in our class which was really good to see. She was one of them or rather best of them. She wasnt the first one though whom I started liking, because she looked snob. And you bet she was one! I had this feeling then its because she knows that she is mid bogglingly beautiful. Two of her salwar kameer still mesmerizes me. One of Pink color and the other one was purple in color. In the later years of my college, I realized that she was quite open for the friendship and was rather very cool headed and mature which was actually rare to see. Beauty with Brains. And then there I was catalupted to some other level and I know I started liking her. I always had a crush on her but then liking is different from crush isnt it? Anyways could not do much about it though as i knew that she was going stable with some other guy and how I cursed my luck and wished for something else.

I guess she considers me as a good friend. I am sure about this. But yes I know she doesnt like me in that sense which is not even possible when some one else in her life is so imp. I guess she knows, not guess I m sure that she knows I like her but I have not been able to express this feeling infront of her on my own. Never been able to decide on that. Should I or shouldnt I?

I curse my self sometimes for doing what I shouldnt have done sometime in summer 2002 after college. Something happened and I coutering my feelings made her understand which I myself dint want her to listen to. But then again its not always about you, its about whats best for others. You have to keep your interests aside. Again this is because of my good values :-)

Now when she is getting married, I want her to re think and give a thot. But isnt that un reasonable and I know it and hence I am not going to do anything stupid which will even end my friendship with beautiful person.

But I dont think I am going to attend her marriage though I have already promised her that I will be there :-( There is nothing like me getting over this whole episode. Its just the case of you wanting something and not getting it. Nothing more than this. Hopefully!